Kate commented on my post Because it Hurts:
While I'm proud to call myself a feminist and happy to share my views on gender politics whenever such subjects come up, you're not going to see me at a protest or a women's shelter any time soon. Because I'd rather not think about it. Because I can't stand to see it. Because it hurts too much.
I'm sure there are many women out there who know there's something deeply wrong with society, but don't fight against it because of the pain or the stigma or the perceived futility.
What can we women do when fighting sexism hurts so badly?
My shorter response is: Suck it up, there are women that are hurting worse than you and we have a responsibility as human beings to help them and fight for justice. But I'm realistic. It's hard, and not all of us have the time or the strength to look the things in the eye on a daily basis. God knows I don't. (I said so in that post) I've been avoiding writing a post on victim blaming in the media for weeks now because it hurts to dive into it. I often feel a ton of pain, the stigma of calling myself a feminist and the sometimes futile nature of this uphill battle. I have to suck it up. It's time to stop wallowing and time to start doing!
But for those of you who truly don't think you can face work at women's shelters or the like, I have some practical steps for you to think about. And who knows, maybe the baby steps will get you more involved in the movement as time goes by.
So what can you do?
1. Donate your money if you truly cannot donate your time. Pick some dedicated women's charities and donate some money to them. There's some great suggestions at the end of Half the Sky (please note my problems with that book first). Can't afford a little donation? The members of my feminist book club have organized a Kiva account to loan money to female entrepreneurs. You'll get your money back! My bookclub is also holding a small-ish event with HealCanada to watch a movie about fistulas and chat about supporting women worldwide. Also we are fundraising to donate to the hospital in Goma in the Democratic Republic of Congo that performs fistula corrective surgery as well as vocational training. In Vancouver? Feel like coming out to support? Message me! Not in Vancouver? Think it's a worthy cause? Please donate! Here's their website.
As readers of this blog will know, I also volunteer with Vancouver Rape Relief and Women's Shelter. These organisations receive little to NO government funding for continuing their work in Canada. Please go to Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres to find a group near you to donate to.
None of these seem worthy to you? Keep looking! There are plenty of women supporting organisations out there. Little bits help. Skip one cup of coffee and you'll have plenty to donate by the end of the year.
2. Don't allow the media to get away with descriptions of rape and sexual assault that blame the victim. Write into these newspapers when you see it. Comment on the online articles. A woman was not raped by some phantom entity. A MAN raped her. Stop taking the perpetrator out of the account. And for the love of GOD, it does NOT MATTER WHAT SHE WAS WEARING. This discourse perpetuates rape culture. Refuse to allow it to continue (Check out Taylor's post on the subject). Mine is coming soon. (I'm going to practice what I preach, dammit.)
3. Keep informed. Read the newspaper. Read feminist blogs like Feministing. Read books about sexism, racism, homophobia, classism. Understand what feminism really is. If you do, and identify as a feminist, say it loud and say it proud. Don't let patriarchal culture intimidate you. With have absorbed a lot of patriarchy just growing up in this society. Learn all you can to counter that insidious influence.
4. For the love of (insert whomever) VOTE. Please, please, please vote! In Canada, Stephen Harper is QUITE HAPPY to continue to erode women's rights and gay rights. Not to mention kill the environment, screw poor people, Aboriginals, the disabled, anyone he can get is scary robotic hands on. And we all know what's happening in the States right now. So you don't want/can't volunteer your time? You can take the time once every couple of years to vote. Get off your ass and do it.
5. Don't allow male friends and lovers to get away with sexist/racist/homophobic jokes and stereotypes. Speak up. Most of my male friends are coming to realize how gender policing and patriarchal cultural fuck them over too. Confront them on these issues. Don't stay silent. You might make them think. You might turn them into supporters and fellow fighters. We do this together.
6. Examine your own beliefs and attitudes about prostitution. Read about the harm reduction vs. abolition debate. Make up your own mind about this issue but only after becoming informed. We've become lazy about our long held 'liberal' beliefs. Prostitution is an issue that effects you and you cannot ignore it. The same goes for porn. Take a good hard look at what gets you off. Don't be shamed or ashamed. Just think critically about what you masturbate to. Re-examine your opinions about consent.
7. Lastly, if you're looking for small things to do? I've got a hard but VITAL task for you. Examine your own beliefs for sexism, racism, homophobia, classism etc. I guaran-fucking-tee you that you have prejudices. We cannot simply allow that we don't 'dislike' or 'hate' any minority and thus do nothing to hurt them (bullshit. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT). And I'm not just talking about our actions or attitudes that hurt minorities. I'm talking about examining what our privilege as done and continues to do for us. How it changes the way we interpret and approach the world. I've benefited from my privilege. So have you. Challenge yourself.
I guarantee that you are at least one of a) sexist b) racist c) homophobic d) classist. Not fair? I'm writing a series about how I'm all of those things. Something to help me be a better frontline feminist worker (also..er...a better fucking human being). So if those thoughts made your PC self uncomfortable stay tuned! I'm going to lay it all on the line.
Confronting patriarchy does hurt. But that doesn't justify non-action. Fight. Revolutionize! At the very very least don't stay uninformed, submissive, and quiet. It does seem fucking bleak and futile sometimes. Suck it up. (Have a cookie). And do some of those baby steps to get back in the fray!
Also coming soon: what men can do...
Well, according to this I make a pretty good beginner feminist. So there's that at least. :p
ReplyDeletePoint of Interest: I don't see anything on this list that a man couldn't do. And I can't imagine anything you would put on a 'man's list' that a woman couldn't somehow be involved in. Why are you trying to segregate, Maija?
Good point. The list for men does look similar, with a bit more emphasis on their privilege. The reason it is separate is that I find men are much more commonly anti-feminist than women are, simply because they do not realize the amount of sexism that women have to face everyday. Or the pressures the are under as men in this society. So I wanted to approach it in a different way.
ReplyDeleteAs for you, I think you're a good feminist. It really wasn't an attack. Again more a riff off your comment than a retaliation.
Something I'm going to do more: Not only challenge my own sexism/classism/homophobia/racism, but also tell other people about my moments of it so they can see it in themselves. We often make statements like "we're all a little bit racist" without qualifying them, and too often when I've discussed Feminism with non-Feminists, I've left out the ways patriarchy has been a negative influence on me, which should be effing mandatory if you're going to be a male Feminist.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed non-Feminists get the same idea about Feminists as non-Environmentalists get about Environmentalists, which is that when 'those people' speak out, they think they themselves are beyond reproach. There's something about saying right off the bat, "And here's how patriarchy affects me", that disarms that reactionary assumption, and makes the listener more open to your argument. Of course we shouldn't have to "disarm" non-Feminists, but I guess that's the point we're at.